A few years ago I was in a supermarket when a woman approached me. She was familiar to me and it turns out we used to sit near each other in church.

“Are you that man who used to throw his kid in the air?”

A little context. Parents and grandparents know that looking after children at Mass can be a nightmare. A nightmare for the parent but not for everyone around, although when you are in charge of the noisy child, it never quite feels like that.

Whilst the description of  “throwing” my son in the air is a little dramatic, I did often launch him a few inches into the air and catch him to keep him calm. Although, with hindsight, I was probably over stimulating him but the quiet was always welcome.

He is now old enough and tough enough, having even made it into the British Lions American Football squad, to lift me (even if I am not at risk of being thrown into the air!)

Children at Mass are a real joy and children running around and making noise are one of the great joys of a thriving community. It always fills me with sadness when I see a parent struggling with a child at church, worried about what others think.

As Cathedral parishioners back in 2005 when our eldest was born, we once found a post-Mass coffee became tolerable when a large African family took a shine to our girning child and passed him around all eight or nine members of the family. They pointed out that “back home, babies were the responsibility of all the parish!”

Our assumption that no one wanted to help was so very wrong and probably one that many parents think.

Since becoming a deacon, I have definitely seen it from the front of the church as well as the back. I secretly champion the toddlers who make a run for it, heading straight for the sanctuary. I feel that rush of excitement as they break away and almost reach the steps just as they get caught and restrained. The relief on the parent’s face matched by the sadness on mine. Next time….

Lockdown taught us so much and some of us had the very special opportunity to attend Mass in person instead of watching from home. It was an eerie and strange experience to be joining Fr Jock in Mass in an almost totally empty church. It wasn’t Fr Jock that made it eerie. It was the lack of everyone else.

I know some parents and grandparents worry about the noise of their children in Church. We have invested time and space in creating the two Children’s Corners at the back but it isn’t there to encourage silence. It is there to support families with young children. It is an arduous task just coming to Mass with a child or two. It is also a little demotivating when they sleep through Mass (Yes the quiet is welcomed as a parent but it would be better if they reserved the full-on deep sleep for when we go for coffee afterwards.)

What would Mass be like with total silence and no distractions from anyone in the congregation? Oh, I know the answer to that. Mass with a priest, a deacon and techy helping to ensure the stream works and a WiFi hotspot off my iPhone. Perfectly quiet congregations? I don’t want to go back to those days for anything.

Revd Eddie White